When life throws you curve balls, ...laugh!
In my opinion, I've been working like a nut. So much like a nut, I think I'm almost burning out and losing my flavour. Almost. The two-day leave I took from Feb 27 to Feb 28 was the best decision I could have made for myself. I am a nut.
I am a nut. I feel that I have to work hard and I do want to work hard and so, I can find time for fun and games in between. It's been working fine thus far.I just need to get over the guilt when applying and actually taking leave. I'm a nut. I think I'm the only nut who worries about taking leave.
My friends think I'm nuts but that's why they love me, the nut that I am. I am a nut.
-conRad-
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Branding Thy Self
Many have opinions about everything I do.
I wanted to leave/make a mark before I turned 25. I will be a quarter of a decade old with nothing much to show for it.
Well, in my opinion, nothing much to show.
People tell me that I am crazy because I have managed to do quite a lot of significant things before I turn 25 but it does not ring the same bell with me.
My bell is less rustic and lacks character, it is much more superficial and showy I think. So, my most recent superficial and showy thing I did was this:
Behold my name. It is awesome.
Behold the silvery needle that carves my name. It causes pain.
Behold the unfinished product. It spells awesome.
Behold the thing I may regret when I turn 40. It is done.
I have always wanted a tattoo and the only design I could think off and will never be a regret would be a tattoo of my name.
I love my name. It is like no other.
I especially take pride in my name. I do not really know why, I just do.
So, I had my name carved and inked on my skin for all eternity.
The font is 'Bonzai' and it makes the design look a little Chinese inspired. That is why I chose it, I love all things Chinese. I am not Indian. I kinda sorta kid. I have a green vine with nine leaves running through my name. At first, I only wanted the vine because I love vines, it matched the 'Bonzai' font, is the only thing I am able to draw quite well, and makes the tattoo pretty and less boring. I did not mean to have the nine leaves represent anything until Sonia pointed out that it could represent her because she was born on the 9th.
Yay! All my favorite things in one tattoo.
I am quite lucky the leaves were nine in total... Phew!
Now I have a tattoo. No one special in my life but a tattoo. There goes my chances even more now.
-conRad-
I wanted to leave/make a mark before I turned 25. I will be a quarter of a decade old with nothing much to show for it.
Well, in my opinion, nothing much to show.
People tell me that I am crazy because I have managed to do quite a lot of significant things before I turn 25 but it does not ring the same bell with me.
My bell is less rustic and lacks character, it is much more superficial and showy I think. So, my most recent superficial and showy thing I did was this:
Behold my name. It is awesome.
Behold the silvery needle that carves my name. It causes pain.
Behold the unfinished product. It spells awesome.
Behold the thing I may regret when I turn 40. It is done.
I have always wanted a tattoo and the only design I could think off and will never be a regret would be a tattoo of my name.
I love my name. It is like no other.
I especially take pride in my name. I do not really know why, I just do.
So, I had my name carved and inked on my skin for all eternity.
The font is 'Bonzai' and it makes the design look a little Chinese inspired. That is why I chose it, I love all things Chinese. I am not Indian. I kinda sorta kid. I have a green vine with nine leaves running through my name. At first, I only wanted the vine because I love vines, it matched the 'Bonzai' font, is the only thing I am able to draw quite well, and makes the tattoo pretty and less boring. I did not mean to have the nine leaves represent anything until Sonia pointed out that it could represent her because she was born on the 9th.
Yay! All my favorite things in one tattoo.
I am quite lucky the leaves were nine in total... Phew!
Now I have a tattoo. No one special in my life but a tattoo. There goes my chances even more now.
-conRad-
Come What May
Been a long time since I have made an effort.
I must have picked the right role models which in turn may just be the wrong people to emulate as well.
After five long months of working, my expectations have evolved into something palatable.
Palatable.
I was devastated during the first two months to say the least. Quitting was not far from my mind. Tying a noose above my desk was a frequent thought of comfort even.
As two months of mental conflict and constant urges to flee in manic distress passed, I have come to swallow my pill rather willingly. The job is what it is. I take it as it is. I grow as I can.
Now I want something more.
Here begins another round of panic stricken days ahead.
-conRad-
I must have picked the right role models which in turn may just be the wrong people to emulate as well.
After five long months of working, my expectations have evolved into something palatable.
Palatable.
I was devastated during the first two months to say the least. Quitting was not far from my mind. Tying a noose above my desk was a frequent thought of comfort even.
As two months of mental conflict and constant urges to flee in manic distress passed, I have come to swallow my pill rather willingly. The job is what it is. I take it as it is. I grow as I can.
Now I want something more.
Here begins another round of panic stricken days ahead.
-conRad-
Thursday, 1 September 2011
The One Who Walked Ahead
What a welcome these 3 days have been. Wished that the holidays were extended to Friday.
I'll live though.
3 weeks will come to pass since I have started working permanently. I would be selling it short if I said that this is my dream job. I think it's way past that. But.
There's always a but.
But, the weeks have had its up and downs. Things that I never expected really. I guess I did overlook a few things that normally don't go down the same as it did 2 years back.
It feels very much different when I first ended my 1st year and started out as an intern. It was tough. It is tough. I forgot that adaptation is always needed. This is where my inexperience rears its ugly head.
The 1st week felt like I was an intern. Slowly picking up on things that I've forgotten. Relearning the dos and don'ts. Pretty normal right to make mistakes and relearn things I used to do for about 2 months, 2 years ago?
Sometimes I wish people understand that it was awhile back and people take time to pick up on things. Performing optimally is a gradual process, not a switch you flip on automatically. A little understanding is all it takes.
There's this pressure riding on my shoulders every time I step into the office. My past built a reputation of reliability and now I have to live up to it. Living up to it is the worst part. You're reminded of how good you were when something unpleasant happens. That's what the 1st week felt. The 2nd week was spent trying to erase what happened in the 1st week. Thank God for the 3rd week, Raya!
2 years apparently is a very long time. I sensed a change. It lingers.
Then there are my friends and classmates who still are interning and taking time off to travel here and there before breaking into the working world. I can't do that. I have 0 in my bank account and this job is a blessing. Wanting what you cannot have is an inconvenient feeling. It makes you ungrateful of what you are already blessed with. Seeing my friends enjoying what's left of their last pieces of University life just sends a thick shot of cold jealousy through me. Immaturity at its best.
My woes are a little premature of course. I just started and I worry too much. The challenges seem rather trivial and just needs time to work on.
Nothing has been this clear to me. This is what I should be doing and I'm good at it. It took me typing this whole post to see that I needed to swallow my pill and grow up a little more.
Even walking ahead before others has its benefits.
-conRad-
I'll live though.
3 weeks will come to pass since I have started working permanently. I would be selling it short if I said that this is my dream job. I think it's way past that. But.
There's always a but.
But, the weeks have had its up and downs. Things that I never expected really. I guess I did overlook a few things that normally don't go down the same as it did 2 years back.
It feels very much different when I first ended my 1st year and started out as an intern. It was tough. It is tough. I forgot that adaptation is always needed. This is where my inexperience rears its ugly head.
The 1st week felt like I was an intern. Slowly picking up on things that I've forgotten. Relearning the dos and don'ts. Pretty normal right to make mistakes and relearn things I used to do for about 2 months, 2 years ago?
Sometimes I wish people understand that it was awhile back and people take time to pick up on things. Performing optimally is a gradual process, not a switch you flip on automatically. A little understanding is all it takes.
There's this pressure riding on my shoulders every time I step into the office. My past built a reputation of reliability and now I have to live up to it. Living up to it is the worst part. You're reminded of how good you were when something unpleasant happens. That's what the 1st week felt. The 2nd week was spent trying to erase what happened in the 1st week. Thank God for the 3rd week, Raya!
2 years apparently is a very long time. I sensed a change. It lingers.
Then there are my friends and classmates who still are interning and taking time off to travel here and there before breaking into the working world. I can't do that. I have 0 in my bank account and this job is a blessing. Wanting what you cannot have is an inconvenient feeling. It makes you ungrateful of what you are already blessed with. Seeing my friends enjoying what's left of their last pieces of University life just sends a thick shot of cold jealousy through me. Immaturity at its best.
My woes are a little premature of course. I just started and I worry too much. The challenges seem rather trivial and just needs time to work on.
Nothing has been this clear to me. This is what I should be doing and I'm good at it. It took me typing this whole post to see that I needed to swallow my pill and grow up a little more.
Even walking ahead before others has its benefits.
-conRad-
Monday, 11 July 2011
That Britney Post Again!
Besides the I'm a Slave 4U, Me Against The Music, and Stronger music videos being my top fav Britney videos, Till The World Ends ranks top 3 in my list cos' I suppose it does remind me a lot of the I'm a Slave 4U vid...
And just cos' this vid was funny to me. Love the beginning.
Femme Fatale is quite awesome...
-conRad-
And just cos' this vid was funny to me. Love the beginning.
Femme Fatale is quite awesome...
-conRad-
Bathroom Bubbles
Sometimes I have non-peaceful showers.
I am at a point in my life where I feel a little lost even though I am not really lost to begin with.
There is a part of me that wishes I took part in the Bersih 2.0 rally. Reading materials and seeing pictures of the rally is very inspiring and it does make me realise that I should have been a little more vocal about my rights. I suppose I take a very cynical view on things like these but post-Bersih managed to at least instill in me a desire to invoke my right for many things I chose to ignore before. The best I can make up for it is to vote on the day that matters.
I hate this semester.
That may have been exaggerated.
I see why most final-year students dread the final semester. It is not like I am not enjoying myself, it has been the most fun I have ever had in any semester but the lack of a jam-packed schedule leaves me with a lot of free time. Well, I did fill the time with many different Student Council tasks but all that work has been put on hold indefinitely. Thus, I am with more time on my hands again. There is just something about having free time and ignoring your assignments till the very last minute. I cannot put my finger on it but I seem to have no drive other than to will this semester to end NOW. This is quite unlike me to ignore my work and hand in half-past-six assignments. I could have found other work to do but I decided that maybe I should just let one semester be more about me having more time to myself even if the nothingness kills me!
Working at Text100 has got me worried. There are a few new faces and assimilating into the family is a little daunting. It does feel very much like the first day I interned there when everything was new and I was new at everything. Then there are these thoughts of me screwing up all my work and being asked to perform better or else... Maybe I am pressuring myself a little too much? I just want to be the best that I can be and then better myself hence, I freak myself out. I cannot believe that I am about a month away from starting at Text100 as an Account Executive. I feel very proud typing and saying it out. Hee...
Then there is the Anti-Conrad Facebook Unit. I personally named it that. I think it is quite funny. I mean, I am THAT POPULAR I guess? I have taken on a very Gandhian approach I suppose, not as bitter or as hateful as I thought I would be. I am quite proud of myself really.
What else...? What else...?
Oh! I went out with Debbi, Kiat Hwa, and Tam last week to Ben's General Foodstore at the Bangsar Shopping Village. The food was nothing to shout about. The restaurant specializes in pizzas but the pizzas are bland. It was very disappointing really. Even the atmosphere was not very inviting. Definitely not suitable for a family when those who come in groups of more than 2 gets squished into a corner with unknown people.
...I think those are the current prevailing thoughts in my head. Since I have managed to 'knock em'' out of my head for now, I am sure other useless worries will crop up sooner or later.
I feel like eating some ice cream!
-conRad-
I am at a point in my life where I feel a little lost even though I am not really lost to begin with.
There is a part of me that wishes I took part in the Bersih 2.0 rally. Reading materials and seeing pictures of the rally is very inspiring and it does make me realise that I should have been a little more vocal about my rights. I suppose I take a very cynical view on things like these but post-Bersih managed to at least instill in me a desire to invoke my right for many things I chose to ignore before. The best I can make up for it is to vote on the day that matters.
I hate this semester.
That may have been exaggerated.
I see why most final-year students dread the final semester. It is not like I am not enjoying myself, it has been the most fun I have ever had in any semester but the lack of a jam-packed schedule leaves me with a lot of free time. Well, I did fill the time with many different Student Council tasks but all that work has been put on hold indefinitely. Thus, I am with more time on my hands again. There is just something about having free time and ignoring your assignments till the very last minute. I cannot put my finger on it but I seem to have no drive other than to will this semester to end NOW. This is quite unlike me to ignore my work and hand in half-past-six assignments. I could have found other work to do but I decided that maybe I should just let one semester be more about me having more time to myself even if the nothingness kills me!
Working at Text100 has got me worried. There are a few new faces and assimilating into the family is a little daunting. It does feel very much like the first day I interned there when everything was new and I was new at everything. Then there are these thoughts of me screwing up all my work and being asked to perform better or else... Maybe I am pressuring myself a little too much? I just want to be the best that I can be and then better myself hence, I freak myself out. I cannot believe that I am about a month away from starting at Text100 as an Account Executive. I feel very proud typing and saying it out. Hee...
Then there is the Anti-Conrad Facebook Unit. I personally named it that. I think it is quite funny. I mean, I am THAT POPULAR I guess? I have taken on a very Gandhian approach I suppose, not as bitter or as hateful as I thought I would be. I am quite proud of myself really.
What else...? What else...?
Oh! I went out with Debbi, Kiat Hwa, and Tam last week to Ben's General Foodstore at the Bangsar Shopping Village. The food was nothing to shout about. The restaurant specializes in pizzas but the pizzas are bland. It was very disappointing really. Even the atmosphere was not very inviting. Definitely not suitable for a family when those who come in groups of more than 2 gets squished into a corner with unknown people.
...I think those are the current prevailing thoughts in my head. Since I have managed to 'knock em'' out of my head for now, I am sure other useless worries will crop up sooner or later.
I feel like eating some ice cream!
-conRad-
Friday, 24 June 2011
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