Meatballs

Finally! Something to post about.

Ever since the semester started I've been feeling demotivated with my studies. Long are the times when I used to get over excited when given an assignment that requires the use of both critical and creative thinking.

Now I just go, "meh!"

Stephanie and I got around to this "problem" sometime during our latest "lepak" session and she helped narrow it down to the root of it all. I guess it's more work rather than enjoying what I'm learning? All the fun got sucked right out.

I still enjoy and am happy at the fact that I'm doing what I've always wanted and known I should do. But ever since my family has been facing financial difficulties, worsened since December 2009, EVERYTHING I DO feels like work.

How so?

Well, now I strive to maintain my CGPA so that my PTPTN loan turns into a UCSI Uni scholarship.

I have to make sure everything I earn is put to extremely good use (new clothes/certain food/books/ ... etc. are all unnecessary items).

I've planned my future in such a way so that I can help ease the difficulties and end the burden my parents share.

So, my current CGPA is balancing on a fine line between free education or money woes for years to come.

Whatever I have is given in the hope of helping the family survive for as long as we can.

My future is extremely daunting and all my personal plans are severely fucked.

I'm 24 and I already feel like my life is like a routine. How does one break out of this monotony?

I know I can't change where I'm at right now and I'm trying to make the best of it but somehow my drive for my studies fell through the cracks. I've made my peace with the present and I'm just moving forward as best as I know how, which is saying something because I've been such a downer the past year.

No more of that!

The question that remains though is; Now that I know what the problem is, how do I fix it?

I guess more "lepak" sessions and talk of werepires could do the trick!?
...It worked before.

-conRad-