The One Who Walked Ahead

What a welcome these 3 days have been. Wished that the holidays were extended to Friday.

I'll live though.

3 weeks will come to pass since I have started working permanently. I would be selling it short if I said that this is my dream job. I think it's way past that. But.

There's always a but.

But, the weeks have had its up and downs. Things that I never expected really. I guess I did overlook a few things that normally don't go down the same as it did 2 years back.

It feels very much different when I first ended my 1st year and started out as an intern. It was tough. It is tough. I forgot that adaptation is always needed. This is where my inexperience rears its ugly head.

The 1st week felt like I was an intern. Slowly picking up on things that I've forgotten. Relearning the dos and don'ts. Pretty normal right to make mistakes and relearn things I used to do for about 2 months, 2 years ago?

Sometimes I wish people understand that it was awhile back and people take time to pick up on things. Performing optimally is a gradual process, not a switch you flip on automatically. A little understanding is all it takes.

There's this pressure riding on my shoulders every time I step into the office. My past built a reputation of reliability and now I have to live up to it. Living up to it is the worst part. You're reminded of how good you were when something unpleasant happens. That's what the 1st week felt. The 2nd week was spent trying to erase what happened in the 1st week. Thank God for the 3rd week, Raya!

2 years apparently is a very long time. I sensed a change. It lingers.

Then there are my friends and classmates who still are interning and taking time off to travel here and there before breaking into the working world. I can't do that. I have 0 in my bank account and this job is a blessing. Wanting what you cannot have is an inconvenient feeling. It makes you ungrateful of what you are already blessed with. Seeing my friends enjoying what's left of their last pieces of University life just sends a thick shot of cold jealousy through me. Immaturity at its best.

My woes are a little premature of course. I just started and I worry too much. The challenges seem rather trivial and just needs time to work on.

Nothing has been this clear to me. This is what I should be doing and I'm good at it. It took me typing this whole post to see that I needed to swallow my pill and grow up a little more.

Even walking ahead before others has its benefits.

-conRad-